• REPORT
Ten new stakes were formed in the past year alone in this small Mexican city. "This is a model for the whole church", said Elder Huntmann.

• TEMPLES
A new temple will be built in an as yet unnamed location in Utah. The official announcement is expected to be made tomorrow at a press conference in Salt Lake City, Utah.

• MISSION
The army of missionaries expands. The latest statistics from the MTC indicate a continuing upward trend. Many more couples are still needed.

SALT LAKE CITY, UT - Church leaders caused quite a stir in Mesa yesterday with the announcement that Sister Rachelle Johnson will serve in the Dublin, Ireland mission.

Although this announcement was a surprise to the entire local community, it wasn't a surprise at all to Sr. Johnson's Bishop. "I've known Rachelle for quite some time. She has caused absolute havoc in our ward. I am the happiest man alive."

The Bishop was referring to the young men of his stake. Apparently, going on a mission for Sister Johnson means saying goodbye to a host of handsome potential future roomates.

At a packed press conference in Mesa yesterday, Johnson answered some mission questions. What will you do to convert the masses? "I am going to do a lot of knitting and sewing", said Johnson. Journalists were at first puzzled, then realized this was clearly a prophetic reference to some modern day parable.

Sister Johnson grinned mischieviously from ear to ear.

The room came to an absolute hush however when Sr. Johnson revealed her deep feelings concerning Dublin, Ireland. Through tear-filled eyes in a moment of almost sublime reverence, she uttered words we will surely never forget, "Wow, that's pretty cool."

It was a tender moment for all to hear this sister's first public discourse.

Regarding the surprising newsleak that Sr. Johnson may end up serving in the special capacity of Mission Cook, newly appointed Church spokesman Frank Hometeacher said, "Sister Rachelle Johnson will cook up a storm in Dublin, Ireland; I promise you. She has had plenty of related experience at JB's Restaurant."

F U L L  S T O R Y

Congratulations on your mission call Sister Johnson!

"O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day."

Provo first block divided into three stakes